


live your life like there is no tomorrow

by undying_ficdelity (goshilovearrows)



Series: don't tell the gods I left a mess [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Internal Monologue, Loki's not doing so well, POV Loki (Marvel), Past Torture, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:37:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshilovearrows/pseuds/undying_ficdelity
Summary: Infinity War Spoilers:The Guardians pick up a different Asgardian from the wreckage of the Statesman, but their quest to stop Thanos from collecting the Infinity Stones remains the same.





	live your life like there is no tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Thor's dead, Loki's alive, the Guardians are... the Guardians, and Thanos is on a mission.
> 
> Can Loki hold it together long enough to save the galaxy?
> 
> Title once again borrowed from Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw.
> 
> If you want to, come say 'hi' on [Tumblr](http://adotcunningham.tumblr.com/)!

“...no ally of Thanos.”

“Did he do this?”

“There’s no-one else who would have managed this.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, looks like our new blue buddy is awake. Not really sure how, but...”

He’s awake - which, by induction, means that he is alive. Alive, while Thor is not. Life is still not done with Loki, it would seem.

( _ Did they say blue? _ )

He lifts his head, looks down at his hands to see the familiar blue markings. It explains why he didn’t freeze to death in space, with the ship gone. The conversation has ceased. Are they waiting for him to say something? He probably should thank his rescuers, but he’s not sure he can manage a suitable imitation of gratitude. Could he get away with feigning muteness?

“Mantis, are you alright?”

“He - his grief is too much. He has lost everything, and his guilt is incomparable.”

Marvellous - they have a telepath or an empath of some sort. How long before his rescuers realise what kind of monster they’ve brought on board? How long before they decide that they can’t afford to be the next victims of being associated with him? Perhaps he should just jump out of the airlock now and save them all before it can come to pass.

( _ Thanos still lives. Can you live with that? _ )

First things first, return to his Aesir form. This new ship is becoming uncomfortably warm in his current form, and it would be advantageous if he looked to be more in control of this situation than he currently is.

( _ You can’t even give Thor a proper funeral. How pathetic. _ )

( _...It wasn’t even during a battle - will Valhalla be waiting for him? _ )

“I thought it was you. The blue skin was somewhat off-putting.”

The female voice from earlier speaks again. She sounds familiar, somehow, as if from a distant memory. It’s only when he bothers to actually look around the ship at his surroundings does it all fall into place. The Titan’s daughter. Here. Just his luck. Escape from the father, be rescued by the daughter. Was this planned? She was the one who said that he was not an ally of Thanos - does that mean they are friend, or foe? What would Thor do?

“It has that effect on a great many people, I can assure you of that. Now, did you only rescue me to take me back to the Titan for another round of his hospitality, or do you have something else in mind?”

She winces at that. Could it be that he has found potential allies in the fight against Thanos?

“How the hell are you still alive, anyway?” A new voice, this time, coming from some form of mammalian creature who bears a resemblance to Ratatoskr - squirrel, that’s what Midgardians called them. “‘Cause space kills you far more quickly than we could have found you.”

Excellent question. One he’s considered many times in the past. Why couldn’t the Void have done its job all those years ago ( _ seven years ago - a heartbeat - and yet so much has changed _ ).

“More to the point, who the hell are you? And how to you know Gamora?” There’s a man speaking now - a Midgardian, if he’s not mistaken. How curious to run into one so far from his home.

“I am Loki Odinson, and I… I suppose I’m the king of Asgard.”

Well, he is, isn’t he? Odin died, Frigga died, Hela died (probably), and Thor - well, perhaps it was just his imagination. His brother has suffered far worse physical injuries in the past, it’s not like a little case of a broken… neck… could…

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots someone familiar - of course it hadn’t happened, and Thor’s just not as suited to surviving in space as his Jotun brother. That must be it. He’ll wake up soon.

“Loki?” The woman - Gamora, he assumes, as he has shown no-one else on board any sort of recognition - must have noticed his sideways glance. “He’s - there was nothing that we could do. You were holding him so tightly, we had to bring you both in.”

“And contrary to popular belief, we ain’t complete monsters, so we didn’t throw his corpse back out of the airlock when we realised.” The squirrel’s words are blunt, but it feels as though his fractured mind needed the direct touch.

( _ What do these mortals know of death anyway? It’s only as permanent as you want it to be, anyway. There’ll be a way to fix this, you’ll find it soon enough. _ )

“You don’t much look like a king.” Is that - surely not. Probably just an after-effect of being in space - causing hallucinations such as a talking tree. ( _ Surely you must have come across them before in the great library? _ ) Regardless, it is clearly sentient, and should be treated respectfully.

“Perhaps not. My people never thought I’d suit the role of king either - nevertheless, the responsibility is mine once again.” Now the crew of this ship are staring at him as if he had a second head. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so polite?

“Wait, you can speak Groot? Who the hell taught you that?” That would explain their reactions, if the tree only speaks a rare language. He thinks back to earlier, while he was still waking up - did someone say something about ‘Groot’ back then? It’s no use, it’s impossible to focus on anything right now.

“It’s known as All-Speak - I can understand any language that Asgard has ever been aware of.” He half hopes that they ask him for a more detailed explanation - they would certainly regret that in an hour’s time when he’s only just started to cover the nuance between native understanding and All-Speak’s rudimentary translations ( _ and it would take your mind off of the current situation _ ).

“We don’t have time for this. If Thanos is on the move, he must be collecting the Infinity Stones personally, and we do not have much time.” Gamora is correct. Thanos will not give them the luxury of time. Which means he also does not have much time in which to kill Thanos before he has all six, and becomes truly unstoppable. “Loki, you were the last of us to see him. What intel can you give us?” There is no point in lying. If he is honest, they may take him right where he needs to be.

“He arrived on our ship with the Power Stone, and I - I gave him the Space Stone under significant duress.” ( _ Thor wouldn’t have done so. He would have had no doubts as to whether one life was worth more than half of the universe. _ ) “I do not know where he will go next. The last I knew, the Mind Stone was on Midgard, but that was several years ago. The Reality Stone was sent to Knowhere, in the hands of a being known as…”

“The Collector. Son of a bitch. Who the hell thought giving something that important to that idiot was a good idea?” The Midgardian is incredibly rude. At least The Collector would respect the power of the Aether, and there are not many other beings who would be powerful enough to protect an infinity stone from Thanos away from the Nine Realms. It was the best decision that he could have made at the time, posing as Odin on the throne - as much as he would have loved to have kept both stones on Asgard, the threat of Thanos finding two in the same location was not a risk he was willing to take.

“Regardless of who gave the order, that is where the stone is. We know that Thanos will go there - and so we must be there to stop him.” The Midgardian looks like he’s about to say something that would generally result in a knife being lodged in his throat, but it appears that he may be wiser than he first seemed.

He takes a look at his rescuers. Gamora, the Zehoberei woman who is Thanos’s daughter, the rude Midgardian, the abrasive squirrel, the talking tree, a younger looking woman with antennae, and a man with red markings who has been standing remarkably still this whole time. Certainly not the team that he’d been hoping for ( _ your actions mean that you will never have that team again _ ), but he can make this work.

He’ll have to make this work.

* * *

King of Asgard. Again. But where is his kingdom? Thanos killed half of his people in front of him ( _ and you could do nothing about it _ ), the other half are - well, somewhere. Hopefully by now, the life pods have reached a non-hostile planet - but who among them can lead? They may look to the Valkyrie, but she is no leader - not in her current state, at least. Will they assume the worst, that Thanos left no other survivors, or will they hope for the best, that families will be reunited? Without Heimdall, is there any chance of finding them?

Thor would’ve known what to do. Thor always had a plan ( _ though the plan generally left a lot to be desired _ ), and even when he didn’t, he had enough charisma to get people to follow him regardless.

( _ It should have been you that died. _ )

Well, yes. But since when have any of his plans actually worked? Sure, they may have shown some signs of success to begin with, but all ultimately were doomed to fail.

( _ And what of this current plan? What of that? _ )

A second chance to make things right. If Thanos has gone straight to Knowhere, they are already too late. ( _ Unless he is waiting there for… something. Or someone. Does Thanos know that you ordered the Aether there in the first place? _ ) He already has the Power and Space Stones - does he possess the Reality one too? Did he discover the location of the Mind Stone? Where are the Time and Soul Stones? How many will he possess if they find him on Knowhere?

He does not already possess all six. The fact that everyone on board this vessel still lives is testament to that - and that is something to be thankful for. A small victory, but a welcome one.

* * *

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He wouldn’t normally appreciate an interruption, but he could certainly use the distraction to keep his thoughts at bay. They are neither useless nor welcome at this moment in time, not while Thanos still lives ( _ but you’re going to fix that _ ). Gamora, at least, will not judge him.

“No.”

She turns away, as if to leave.

“But I think I have to.”

She doesn’t leave - and now there’s no backing out of this conversation.

“For what it’s worth - which probably isn’t much - I’m sorry that Thanos found you in the Void. I’m also sorry for not offering any aid. I was just -” She trails off.

“Trying to survive?” There’s nothing that can be done against the Titan.

“Yes. I found a way out, a few years later - he ordered my sister and I to assist a Kree called Ronan, who was retrieving the Power Stone. That’s when I found Peter, and the others - they saved my life, despite having no reason to at the time.”

He’s only really half listening, if he’s being honest. ( _ You wanted this conversation, remember? _ ) Having heard her voice again, so soon after what happened on the Statesman,  part of him has gone back to his time on Sanctuary ( _ whoever chose that name has a deranged sense of humour _ ) - how easily Thanos had managed to break him without lifting a finger ( _ you were already broken when you arrived _ ) - how the Maw got into his head, learning his vulnerabilities and exploiting them ( _ you could never be enough for Odin _ ). How after another futile attempt at talking his way out of another round of torture, Obsidian had held him down, powerless, while Midnight took great joy in wiring his mouth shut ( _ it wasn’t any easier the second time _ ) to prevent any more protests, blood pooling in his mouth with nowhere for it to go, unable to scream ( _ oh, how you tried _ ). How they gave him to The Other, who took him into a cave, chained him to the ceiling, toes barely touching the floor, before letting his Chitauri do what they do best ( _ not the first time you’ve cursed your accelerated healing _ ), not bothering to attempt to feed him. How it was Thanos who came to save him from this misery, releasing him from all of his bonds, and how he’d professed that he’d do anything in gratitude, and when did it get so hard to  _ breathe _ ?

“Loki? Loki, can you hear me? Mantis, I need your help!”

* * *

“Hey, you back with us yet?”

He nods, feeling surprisingly well rested. His thoughts seem a lot less oppressive now.

“Yes. My apologies, I don’t -”

“You don’t need to apologise for having a panic attack, man. Did you really think you’re the first one on this ship to have one? Most of us have been there at one point or another.” Perhaps the Midgardian is less of a moron than first impressions led him to believe - perceptive, with empathy. Worthy of being the captain. “Anyway, we’re just about to enter Knowhere space, so if you want in on the planning, now’s the time.”

They can’t possibly think to allow him to join in on the planning phase - can they? He doesn’t know them, their skills, their abilities, their weaknesses - just like they don’t know just what he’s capable of.

( _ That’s why you’re going to talk to them. _ )

But first, he’s got something to say to someone.

“Gamora?” She looks at him, and his resolve falters. It doesn’t get any easier, showing weakness in front of others. “I - I don’t blame you. For anything that happened… back then. If I gave that impression, I apologise.”

“It’s fine - I should have expected an adverse reaction. But now’s not the time - we don’t have long before we reach the surface, and we need a plan. Also, it’s about time that we introduced ourselves formally.”

It certainly isn’t fine. Nothing is fine. Everything is decidedly not fine. But Thanos will come here, and Thanos will die, and then things will be better. After that? Then he’ll have to see if those rumours about the route to Hel and see about finding out where his brother has gone.

The team that call themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy (is that really the best name that they could come up with?), proceed to introduce themselves. There is Star Lord, the Midgardian, who is better known as Peter Quill; the squirrel prefers to be called Rocket, the empath is called Mantis, the tree is Groot, the warrior is Drax, who has also had family members killed by Thanos.

“So, what is is that you can do, then? Apart from turn blue and survive in space?” They all seem eager for a response - just how disappointed will they be when they find out that he is not one of the famed Asgardian warriors?

“Where should I start? I am not unskilled at fighting - my weapons of choice are small blades, and I am far stronger than I may appear to be. It takes a lot to injure me, and far more than that to leave me unable to fight ( _ best not to mention being unable to die _ ). My real strength lies in my magic - I am -”

“Magic? Oh come on! That’s clearly bullshit.” How many more times must Quill test his little patience? As tempting as it is to turn him into a small frog, he manages to resist the temptation. Instead, he chooses to create a couple of clone illusions, and watches their reactions with satisfaction.

“Yes, magic is, as you say, bullshit.” Mortals are always so impressed by the simplest of spells. He’s been capable of this for around a millennium. “I can do a lot more than just illusions, though they do certainly have a wide variety of practical uses.”

“Just before we start to develop a plan, I have something very important to say.” In the short time that he’s known her, she hasn’t looked this serious. “If there comes a moment when Thanos has me, you cannot allow him to take me alive.” Judging by the reactions of his companions, this is an unexpected turn of events. They have clearly not met Thanos before - if they had, they would know what a mercy it would be.

“Uh, if you’re going to ask us to kill ya, you gotta tell us why. That’s only fair.” The squirrel - Rocket - does not seem to be completely opposed to this idea, at least.

“Because I’m the only person in the universe who knows where the Soul Stone is.” He knows exactly the situation that she’s in - he has just been in her shoes merely hours ago (well, depending on how long he’d been unconscious for). He wishes that he’d been allowed that choice - to give up his own life to keep the Tesseract hidden - he’d have willingly done so, no matter Thor’s protests. ( _ Your death’s long overdue, regardless. _ )

“Thanos will not let you die if he believes that you have something he desires - and he will use any means at his disposal to get what he wants. If we are to successfully carry out your wishes, we must be faster and more prepared than he is.”

( _ If you’d been faster, Thor wouldn’t have been on the Statesman when Thanos arrived. _ )

What are the chances that Thanos suspects that Gamora knows the location? If she is requesting to be killed if it looks like he will take her, there’s a strong possibility that he knows - was it a mission that he had sent her on before her betrayal? They will not be able to stop him if he uses the Gauntlet. It’d be far better if he didn’t reach her in the first place - or rather, if he thinks that he’s succeeded...

“I can buy us the time that we would need - but I’ll require your assistance.” A bold declaration, to be sure, but confidence is the best way to sell this idea to his new team. “If Thanos is looking for a Gamora - why not give him one?”

An illusion won’t work on this occasion - far better to use his shapeshifting powers on this occasion, just as he had done when posing as Odin, since his illusions tend to waver if contact is made with them. It always takes more concentration when taking a new form for the first time, and he can feel the changes already. He also loves having a receptive audience for his abilities, and the Guardians certainly do not disappoint.

“I shall pose as Gamora, for the duration of our time on Knowhere. If we are fortunate, we shall find The Collector, warn him of Thanos’s approach, and he will be better prepared to protect the Aether. If we are… less fortunate, then Thanos will attempt to take me as Gamora. As I do not have the knowledge that he seeks, he will not be able to get the Soul Stone, no matter what… methods… he will employ.”

( _ Plus, you’ll be in the perfect position to kill him should an opportunity arise. _ )

The plan is well thought out. They could not possibly find any fault with it. Their comrade will be safe, the Stone will be safe, and the universe will be safe.

“So we’re just supposed to let you sacrifice yourself in her place? Are you hearing what you’re saying? How will that help?!” Quill is angry, for some reason. Surely he should be grateful that Gamora will not come to harm, and the universe will be safe?

“Yeah, that’s not gonna fly, buddy.” It’s rather interesting how Rocket’s fur stands on end when he’s angry.

“You think we should just let him take you?” The one called Drax is speaking up for him too.

“And when Thanos discovers that it’s all a ruse? Do you think he won’t come after us to find me?”

This… is unexpected.

“Look. we appreciate the thought, Loki, but we’re not going to abandon you to your fate. From what Gamora’s said, he’ll put you through all kinds of hell, and that’s before he realises he’s been tricked. C’mon man, you’re one of us now.”

Quill thinks that he’s… one of them? No, they are good people, and he certainly is not. Are they always so fast to trust a stranger?

“It is a simple calculation. Did Gamora not ask you to kill her if she was taken? Would you not prefer that I die in her place?” It’s not that he  _ wants  _ to die, as such, but he is tired of living - has been tired for years. Asgard needs him, but he is not with Asgard - most likely they will have assumed that he perished along with everyone else, so it’s not as though he is letting them down.

( _ And you’d get to be with Frigga again. And with Thor again. _ )

“That doesn’t mean that we’d be okay with you dying either!”

Rocket - no, not just Rocket. Everyone seems to be worried about his plan, and what it entails.

“Loki - thank you. I can’t ask you to go with Thanos on my behalf - I won’t allow you to suffer at his hands again.” Even Gamora won’t let him protect her - and he is supposed to be able to protect a whole nation. “But - it is a good plan, otherwise. If we divide into two teams, with myself and Loki on each one, and if Thanos were to catch one of us, it is a good opportunity for the other team to attack him while he is distracted - and it may be the only chance we will get.”

The proximity alarm goes off, and no further arguments are forthcoming. This is the plan that they will be using - and Loki can only hope it’ll end better than all of his other ones thus far. The thought of facing Thanos once again is terrifying - but allowing him to collect the rest of the Infinity Stones is worse. They must stop him, when he comes.

Gamora gets the last word in, before they prepare for landing.

“Promise me, that you won’t let him take me alive.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, no trip to Nidavellir this time, and all of the team are in one place, on Knowhere. 
> 
> My reasoning is that while Loki knows that the plans for Stormbreaker are there (being that he was the one who commissioned it), he's not one for axes, and it would just remind him too much of Thor if he gave it to anyone else on the team. Plus, Thanos is not there, and revenge is far more important.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
